I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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