The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
