who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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