GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
