I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
