Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
