i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
