i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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