do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
