He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
