Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
