pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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