she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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