the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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