i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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