She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
