i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
