Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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