Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
