gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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