I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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