you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
