Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
