I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
