I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
