i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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