just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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