I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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