He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
