I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
