how can u be prego again
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
