I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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