I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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