She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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