Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize