her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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