im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he shaved USA in his pubs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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