last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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