why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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