There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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