'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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