my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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