He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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