just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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