lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
