who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
