well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
