As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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