drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
