i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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