Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
