How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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