Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have tasted many bathrooms
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
