Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
