i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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