So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize