how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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