hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
