So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
