What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
