She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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