woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
