Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
