How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
