Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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