Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
