Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
