I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
