my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You smell like stripper and shame
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
