Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
