u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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