did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
