just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
