New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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