We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
