Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
