I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
